Miss Manners
Mind your
manners . . . watch your p’s and q’s . . . proper etiquette . . . Who
came up with what’s proper and what is not? Should we still pay attention
to such “rules” or are they outdated in today’s society?
Manners are basically ways to show kindness and respect towards others
and yourself. Some are more obvious than others and many seem a bit
over the top for everyday life. But having good manners is about making
other people feel comfortable and at ease in your presence. They should
recognize that you are kind, not that you are following societal rules.
Where to Learn Manners
We
should all learn good manners at home when growing up, right? Not necessarily.
Hopefully parents are still modeling basic kind behavior, but there
are many instances of etiquette that may not present themselves, depending
on the activities of the family. While parents may themselves properly
respond to wedding invitations and send notes of condolence, such acts
may not be taught to the children at the time.
If you’re the type who would rather be informed than ignorant when it
comes to social behavior and interactions, a book about etiquette is
for you. Then you can choose which “rules” you want to observe
regarding dinner 
parties, weddings,
and so on. Etiquette books abound at used
bookstores, many dating to the 1940s. Many of these books are full of
material applicable today as well as a few laughs. Modern versions are
certainly available at your local bookstore or online.
Examples of Etiquette
In most any etiquette book, you will
find a wealth of information such as: restaurant manners – how to order,
what those French terms mean, how to tip; qualities of a gracious host
or hostess – invitations, greeting guests, being tactful; engagement
and wedding etiquette – announcing the engagement, meeting the relatives,
bridal showers, breaking an engagement, etc. And, of course, you’ll
find instructions as to “which fork to use” at a formal dinner.
One area of etiquette in particular is most helpful – “what
to say” in correspondence. Illnesses, deaths, and other misfortunes
are often difficult to address. Often we don’t say anything or don’t
send the card because we’re not sure exactly what to say. An example
from “The Standard Book of Etiquette” by Lillian Eichler Watson,
1948:
On the Death of a Parent:
Dear Marjory,
I was grieved and shocked to hear of your great loss. I know how you
adored your mother, and I only wish there were something I could do
or say to comfort you in your sorrow.
Walter and I send heartfelt sympathy to you and to your family. We hope
you will call on us if there is anything we can do to help.
Affectionately,
Janet
Recommended reading: “Star
Spangled Manners: In Which Miss Manners Defends American Etiquette”; “Emily
Post’s Etiquette (16th Edition)”
